Upon reading another online journal, I've decided to list stupid things that I did as a child. Nate is out of town visiting friends this weekend so I have no one to harass or ask to sniff my farts. So, deal with it.

My mom used to have this (ugly) knick knack thing in our livingroom with a fake bird inside a little plastic case and some cheesy fake bird scene. It was sitting on something like a pile of bird seed. Anyways, the top of the plastic case came off and I would often take it off to play with it. One day, I accidentally knocked it over and all the bird seed came out. I don't know if I picked it up or left it there or picked it up half assedly, but my mom found out and I remember her specifically telling me that I should tell her if I did it or not because "the truth would set me free." Well, I didn't tell her and I didn't get in trouble either. Guess I pulled one over on her!

I used to frequently forget my keys at home when I was in elementary school / junior high. It is kind of odd because all the times I recall being locked out of the house after coming home from school, I don't remember my sister being around. She was only 2 grades ahead of me, so she shouldn't have been gone for college during those times, but maybe she was out rough housing or something. I have no idea. We have this structure built behind the garage at our house that we call the "club house" but that is really just a shed that my dad built that now houses the lawnmower and other various things that no one ever uses. It once actually was a clubhouse of sorts, but that didn't last for long. ANYWAYS, we used to have one of those stupid chairs that you could unfold and make into a crappy little mattress thing. After I got tired of it, we stuck it in the "club house" to hang out on. It was neglected for years and probably was full of bugs and had crusty leaves and crap all over it, but one time I came home from school in the winter and *shock* didn't have my keys. My grandma, who sometimes had a spare key before my mom revoked it (I think) wasn't home, so I couldn't even go to her house to hang out. I guess the clubhouse was unlocked, so I went and there and hung out on the nasty chair for 2 or so hours until my mom got home from work. That was fun. It was freezing and dirty in there. I felt like a true hobo.

There was another key forgetting incident when I was in 7th grade. I remember it vividly. I was sitting in Earth Science class and there was some announcement over the speaker to my class to send someone down to the office. It was kind of muffled and no one could understand, so my teacher sent some random dude down to the office to find out what the announcement was. It turns out I had forgotten my keys and my mom or someone found them (I don't know) and gave them to my grandma, who drove down to the school to drop them off for me. The funny part is that my mom conveniently attached a GIANT KEYCHAIN with a pink heart and my name on it. This thing was at least like 5x3 inches. Pretty big. So the guy that went down to the office retrieved my key for me. I was embarrassed about the stupid keychain.

Yet another key incident. I'd like to mention that around the time I was in 10th grade, I started wearing my key on a chain around my neck. The true latch key kid. Maybe it was dorky, but it was seriously a necessity. Anyways. My friends dropped me off at my house one time after playing softball and no one was home (surprise! I'm starting to think I was neglected as a child), and I said, no problem, I can get in through the basement window. There was a basement window I had gotten into one other time when I had forgotten my key. It was one of those little windows with the hinges on the top. It had been unlocked and I just kind of pushed it with my foot to open it and then I slid in. Yeah, it was pretty dirty and dusty, but at least I was in. Anyways, this time I decided to do the same thing but apparently someone had decided to lock said window, possibly after they saw that it had been used as an entryway recently. I squatted down on the ground and kicked it with my foot. Oops! It was lock and the window broke. Not even enough for me to slide in around the broken glass. What a pile of crap.

Now, this isn't stupid about me, but stupid about my sister. One day when I was in third grade, I apparently came home with a chunk of hair cut out from the back of my head. I didn't notice, and frankly, I didn't even really care. My mom noticed though and immediately suspected one of the little bastards that sat behind me in class. She called my teacher (she knew everyone's number because I think she was a teacher back then) and asked who sat behind me in class. I don't remember who it was, but it would be funny if the kid got in trouble. Several days later apparently my sister admitted to cutting the chunk of hair. I don't know how she did it or why I didn't notice. Funny.

When I was in kindergarten, this stupid kid named Jeff thought he was my friend. He so wasn't. He lived down the street from me and always wanted to come swim in our pool. He would walk past the house when we were swimming and ask if he could come over. Being the stupid jerky kids that we were, my sister and I would say, sure, and then get out of the pool and go hide in the house. Or, if I was by myself and I saw him walking by, I would try to hold my breath and hide under the water until he was gone. Gosh! I could have died. Moving right along. One day in kindergarten as we were walking along the silver line in the flooring to another classroom, Jeff dropped his box of crayons and they scattered all over the floor. Dumbass! He yelled, "Julllieee! Help me!" I didn't help him though because I hated him. I kept walking and left him to pick up his crayons by himself.

And finally, when I was in like 4th grade, we were playing "Bash Ball" in gym class. Bash ball was like baseball, except you used a giant styrofoam bat and hit a blow up ball, similar to the kind you buy in the big bin at K-Mart. A homerun in bashball was if you hit the big green curtain separating the gym from cafeteria. The ball was pitched to me and I tightened my grip. I swung and score! The ball hit this girl right in the head. The girl I hit had some sort of condition and had no hair, so she was obviously already a target to be made fun of by jerky elementary school kids. I didn't like her though because she drove me insane and I didn't care that I hit her. That's right! I DIDN'T CARE.

Ok, so that last one wasn't so good. I must say that nothing compares to the time I was playing, "I Spy a Whitey" with my sister in the car. We were stopped at a stop light and looking for whiteys (whiteys were white cars... we had a score sheet to see who could get the most). The cars in the next lane started moving so she naturally assumed that our lane was moving too. She let her foot off the brake and drifted into this dude's crappy Ford Fiesta or something in front of us. The guy unncecessarily flipped out and I don't really know what happened after that. Maybe the white car game was supposed to be a secret, but I think it has been enough years to reveal the truth. Because as we all know... THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!